I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize