He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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