I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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