Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
