flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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