Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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