I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
