she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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