hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
