i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
