you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
