At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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