I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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