you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
