Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
