never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize