we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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