I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
