Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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