dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
