so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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