so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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