i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
