my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i think i just lost a toe
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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