That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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