im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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