I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
