I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
