I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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