But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
