Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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