wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The Olympian is in my bed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
