Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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