girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
