I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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