It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
