dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
