That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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