I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
