i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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