I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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