i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
