you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
