I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
