I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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