youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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