the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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