we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
