Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
