I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
