Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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