Will you blow on my dice?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
