and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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