I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
