I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
