My nipple is on Facebook.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
