I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
