i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
