Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.

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(224): View more from Illinois

The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter

(310): View more from California

your less of a man for seeing that

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...

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(519): View more from Ontario

You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.

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(269): View more from Michigan

YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK

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(847): View more from Illinois

His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.

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