can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
