yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
