Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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