now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize