Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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