this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
