I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had sex on a dog bed..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
