so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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