I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
