Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you would pick up someone in the library
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
