The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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