I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
