this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
