There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
