i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize