eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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