Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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