This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
