how can u be prego again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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