I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
