why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
