So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
