I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
