i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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