I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize