She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
