dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
