Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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