The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize