wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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