ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
