it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
