So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
