So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize