Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
