She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
